Living With An Addiction

Living with an addiction of any kind really stinks(that’s my nice word for it).  It’s heart breaking and life changing and not just for the addict, but the entire family.  I know this because I too am an addict.  I was very hesitant to share this, but recently I got a call on the air that challenged me to share this.  The guy was talking about working his ‘steps’ and said, “Melissa I know you know what I’m talking about.”  Yep, I sure did and I figured that if he could figure it out by listening to me every day then it was time to share.

I believe in living out my life on the air.  Let me also say that I don’t share things that would intentionally hurt or embarrass friends or family members.  I do believe in sharing my life because I want to encourage and share that you’re not alone – I’ve been there too!  So here is the short version of my story.  My addiction started when I was in middle school, where I used food to deal with some rough mother-daughter stuff and the stress of moving a lot.  I ‘used’ food in a way that became an eating disorder of bulimia and binging.  Food was my way of dealing with life.  Food was my friend and my safety blanket.  I left the bulimia behind me in high school/college but food was still my go to for dealing with any extreme emotions – good or bad.  My problem is that I didn’t think I had a problem with food, I thought everyone dealt with food the same way I did.  Didn’t everyone hide food and hide food wrappers?  Nope, they don’t.

I will never understand how someone can have candy in the house for a year and forget that it’s there and end up throwing it away.  I will never understand being able to have a ‘bite’ of cake and that being enough.  I am not like everyone else and have had to come to terms with that.  I didn’t want to suffer from a compulsive overeating/food addiction – yuck – I want to be normal.  Well, guess what, I’m not.  Now as an adult I am in a 12 Step program and dealing with my addiction.  I’m currently coming to terms with my truth and working my steps to the best of my ability.  It’s not easy, but what I have learned is that there is freedom in living your truth.  There is freedom in just Step 1 – Admitting we were powerless over our addiction and that our lives had become unmanageable.

It took me a long time to truly understand Step 1.  I really thought that the next ‘diet’, a little more will power, a more balanced life all of it would bring me freedom from my addiction.  I didn’t want to give up the control that I could do this on my own and that somewhere out there was a magical diet that I could stick to.  What I know now is that I am gaining freedom from working my program and that there is freedom in living my truth.  A food/compulsive overeating addiction will never have the street cred of alcohol or drugs addictions.  Today, I am okay with that.  I am also okay with being an addict.  I wouldn’t choose this life for anyone, but I also would rather say I’m an addict working my program then living in the bondage hell of addiction.  Xo Melissa