Living with an addiction of any kind really stinks(that’s my
nice word for it). It’s heart breaking
and life changing and not just for the addict, but the entire family. I know this because I too am an addict. I was very hesitant to share this, but
recently I got a call on the air that challenged me to share this. The guy was talking about working his ‘steps’
and said, “Melissa I know you know what I’m talking about.” Yep, I sure did and I figured that if he
could figure it out by listening to me every day then it was time to share.
I believe in living out my life on the air. Let me also say that I don’t share things
that would intentionally hurt or embarrass friends or family members. I do believe in sharing my life because I
want to encourage and share that you’re not alone – I’ve been there too! So here is the short version of my story. My addiction started when I was in middle
school, where I used food to deal with some rough mother-daughter stuff and the
stress of moving a lot. I ‘used’ food in
a way that became an eating disorder of bulimia and binging. Food was my way of dealing with life. Food was my friend and my safety
blanket. I left the bulimia behind me in
high school/college but food was still my go to for dealing with any extreme
emotions – good or bad. My problem is
that I didn’t think I had a problem with food, I thought everyone dealt with
food the same way I did. Didn’t everyone
hide food and hide food wrappers? Nope,
they don’t.
I will never understand how someone can have candy in the
house for a year and forget that it’s there and end up throwing it away. I will never understand being able to have a
‘bite’ of cake and that being enough. I
am not like everyone else and have had to come to terms with that. I didn’t want to suffer from a compulsive
overeating/food addiction – yuck – I want to be normal. Well, guess what, I’m not. Now as an adult I am in a 12 Step program and
dealing with my addiction. I’m currently
coming to terms with my truth and working my steps to the best of my
ability. It’s not easy, but what I have
learned is that there is freedom in living your truth. There is freedom in just Step 1 – Admitting
we were powerless over our addiction and that our lives had become
unmanageable.
It took me a long time to truly understand Step 1. I really thought that the next ‘diet’, a
little more will power, a more balanced life all of it would bring me freedom
from my addiction. I didn’t want to give
up the control that I could do this on my own and that somewhere out there was
a magical diet that I could stick to.
What I know now is that I am gaining freedom from working my program and
that there is freedom in living my truth.
A food/compulsive overeating addiction will never have the street cred
of alcohol or drugs addictions. Today, I
am okay with that. I am also okay with
being an addict. I wouldn’t choose this
life for anyone, but I also would rather say I’m an addict working my program
then living in the bondage hell of addiction.
Xo Melissa
