Can You Be An Opinionated- Semi-People Pleasing-Perfectionist? Yes!!

I hate to make mistakes, especially in front of anyone.  As I was sitting in a traffic jam on the way to my daughter's school today I wanted to turn around and take a different route.  The cars were stacked up on this 2 lane street about 50 deep and from the back seat I hear, "Traffic jam, Mom?...How about a short cut?".  The funny thing is that I'm sitting in this "traffic jam" thinking the same thing.  We need to get out of here.  The thoughts running through my head were; I had just turned onto this road, a nice man had let me in and my concern was oh, he just let me in and now I'm going to turn around and go back the way I came from.  I'll look silly and like I don't know what I'm doing.  As I write this I realize how silly this sounds!  Yet, that is exactly what I sat in the traffic jam thinking about.  I was feeling an undue obligation to this stranger to stay in the traffic jam because he was kind enough to let me get in front of him.  After realizing why I was still sitting in this crazy jam I made the brave move and made a very slow 3 point turn.  As I looked in my rear view mirror I noticed something.  My ability to get out of line started a wave of other cars doing the same thing and following me.

I find it hard to believe that at my age I am still struggling with little decisions like the traffic jam.  The traffic jam is such the perfect analogy for a perfectionist/semi-people pleaser working to live life as a RC(Rebel Christian).  In my imperfections I am bound and gagged from wanting to appear anything but organized and totally together.  Little things like feeling an undue obligation to a stranger are just part of the much bigger puzzle.  How silly is it that I am concerned what a total stranger will think of me?  How silly is it that I'm afraid of bothering anyone around me by making a 3 point turn on a 2 way road?  How silly to care that someone who I don't know, is sitting in their car judging me for not being patient enough to wait out this jam?  Who cares!!!  Sadly, I must or I wouldn't have gone through this thought process.

Being an opinionated/semi-people pleasing -perfectionist stinks.  It's the reason I've stayed in relationships too long, the reason I don't end toxic friendships and the reason I was hesitant to make a 3 point turn on a busy 2 way road.  I'm sure a psychologist could dive into my head and trace this back to my childhood, eating disorder and so on and they'd probably be right.  Yet, I'm not looking for an excuse, just growth to living a grace filled free life.  I'm looking to take my RC attitude to a deeper level.  I'm hoping that in finding God's grace and freedom I stop worrying so much about what other people think and about making mistakes.  I pray that the RC in me extends not just to my spiritual walk but also to living an authentic, worry free, fun life.  A life that will make an awkward 3 point turn whenever I need to.

xo Melissa